rebel bird

I was often labeled as a rebel, in my growing up, my school days and even as a young adult. I never really did anything ‘by the book’ or as my mother would have liked things done. She used to sing Frank Sinatras song to me, “I did it my way!” or “She did it her way!”

She joked about it in later years, seemingly coming to terms with her wayward daughter who was a little out of control. Her Control? It was a sort of family joke.

But I now have a different view. I don’t really view rebellion as a negative aspect in myself or anyone else. I do not view it being – out of control, or not doing things the way they should be done.

The way I viewed my ‘behavior’ was to see it as me having to learn in my own way, how to master my own destiny, to break free of any repression that lurked in my being, to take control of my own life and make the decisions that I needed to make for myself. I saw my life as my own responsibility, and I, along with God/Spirit, would sculpt and pattern it in the ways that worked for me. This didn’t mean I was selfish and uncaring, it simply meant that the creativity and the passions I held dear, were to grow from deep in my core and not be suppressed into a container – that would not set them free.

The dance of life

is a delicate matter

at times –

the embrace of our own soul

and the deep humility it takes

to honor,

and say a respectful ‘yes’

to ourselves

Our true selves.

Oh, so much easier to go

another’s way,

just to engage

with that certainty

that we must be doing it right!

To hitchhike that other ship

and cross the valleys

of what has come before.

Knowing the view

will be totally in keeping

with the rules of them – it – society.

But it will no doubt

become a little dull

as a memory will pull us

towards a richer color

somewhere over to the right,

where a flicker of wisdom

and an innate curiosity

will remind us of a dream,

a fantasy

that will not set us free,

until we bow to it,

to its mastery –

to accomplish

through our own muscle and flesh

and finding its bones

to dress our own cloak upon,

we become born

into the archetype

that fits us well.

And from that place

and the resources

it bestows upon us,

our pride

and accomplishments

so clearly Spirit sent

and guided,

reveal the confidence

and charisma

of one who knows herself,

a one who is not afraid

of being who they are

and is not afraid

of being a stranger to others.

For they fear that one

who is not controlled

by the masses

and they fear that one

because he is so free.

So be free, take that risk

be seen for who you are

and let the power of spirit

and your soul

melt the fragmented

illusions

that are not really you!

 

I danced wildly, from the very beginning, hungry for that release. If I was not to live in my own truth, whose truth was I living?

I learnt the hard way for sure, there is no doubt of that and God/Spirit had many plans for me that was going to rock my boat and unsteady my shores. And maybe even rock the boat of others? I would cast myself adrift many times without a sail and have to hoist my way back to the land, feet planting themselves a little more firmly, re-rooting myself and undergoing the learning as to why it sent me reeling off into the void in the first place!

And as I surrendered to those undercurrents and the waves that carried me, I gave back into the great ocean the conditioning that would try to make me different to whom I was meant to be.

Caroline Carey, May ’17

from ‘Middle Earth Wisdom’ (to be published 2018)

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