I was often labeled as a rebel, in my growing up, my school days and even as a young adult. I never really did anything ‘by the book’ or as my mother would have liked things done. She used to sing Frank Sinatras song to me, “I did it my way!” or “She did it her way!”
She joked about it in later years, seemingly coming to terms with her wayward daughter who was a little out of control. Her Control? It was a sort of family joke.
But I now have a different view. I don’t really view rebellion as a negative aspect in myself or anyone else. I do not view it being – out of control, or not doing things the way they should be done.
The way I viewed my ‘behavior’ was to see it as me having to learn in my own way, how to master my own destiny, to break free of any repression that lurked in my being, to take control of my own life and make the decisions that I needed to make for myself. I saw my life as my own responsibility, and I, along with God/Spirit, would sculpt and pattern it in the ways that worked for me. This didn’t mean I was selfish and uncaring, it simply meant that the creativity and the passions I held dear, were to grow from deep in my core and not be suppressed into a container – that would not set them free.
The dance of life
is a delicate matter
at times –
the embrace of our own soul
and the deep humility it takes
to honor,
and say a respectful ‘yes’
to ourselves
Our true selves.
Oh, so much easier to go
another’s way,
just to engage
with that certainty
that we must be doing it right!
To hitchhike that other ship
and cross the valleys
of what has come before.
Knowing the view
will be totally in keeping
with the rules of them – it – society.
But it will no doubt
become a little dull
as a memory will pull us
towards a richer color
somewhere over to the right,
where a flicker of wisdom
and an innate curiosity
will remind us of a dream,
a fantasy
that will not set us free,
until we bow to it,
to its mastery –
to accomplish
through our own muscle and flesh
and finding its bones
to dress our own cloak upon,
we become born
into the archetype
that fits us well.
And from that place
and the resources
it bestows upon us,
our pride
and accomplishments
so clearly Spirit sent
and guided,
reveal the confidence
and charisma
of one who knows herself,
a one who is not afraid
of being who they are
and is not afraid
of being a stranger to others.
For they fear that one
who is not controlled
by the masses
and they fear that one
because he is so free.
So be free, take that risk
be seen for who you are
and let the power of spirit
and your soul
melt the fragmented
illusions
that are not really you!
I danced wildly, from the very beginning, hungry for that release. If I was not to live in my own truth, whose truth was I living?
I learnt the hard way for sure, there is no doubt of that and God/Spirit had many plans for me that was going to rock my boat and unsteady my shores. And maybe even rock the boat of others? I would cast myself adrift many times without a sail and have to hoist my way back to the land, feet planting themselves a little more firmly, re-rooting myself and undergoing the learning as to why it sent me reeling off into the void in the first place!
And as I surrendered to those undercurrents and the waves that carried me, I gave back into the great ocean the conditioning that would try to make me different to whom I was meant to be.
Caroline Carey, May ’17
from ‘Middle Earth Wisdom’ (to be published 2018)
I have a son who does it his way too! He’s a bit wild and loves music and rapping, he is funny and naughty but his core is sweet! He has so much to learn but your work is helping me to attune to both my children in ‘a special way”. I appreciate this work and your sharing and my heart is open to receiving.
Thank you for sharing that Paula, to support the children feels such an important part of this work, we can begin to see them in a very different light