If you are a strong woman, with aspirations and know that you have a message to share from your life experience, what do you do with it? I have considered this for many years, owned it, delved into many possibilities, written books, trained in various modalities and become a teacher for hundreds of people around the world.
And then becoming an elder, how does that begin to play itself out? What then? What is the word that is appropriate for a women of my calibre, with bags of trainings and qualifications, my own training programs, books written and published, as well as having reared a large family and become a grandmother to many?
Who am I now?
When I look at the thesaurus and ask some questions, the word that undoubtedly stands out, is Matriarch.
I always knew I had become the matriarch of my family of origin because after my mother died I became the oldest living female relative. Until I discovered that I had a half sister that I never knew about before! That was quite the surprise. Did I feel usurped from my position, had I even felt into what it meant to be in that position – really?
It probably takes more than blood and age to feel fully embodied as the matriarch, and I sense it has been hard for me to don her gown.
Until lately when the words ‘from maiden to matriarch’ entered my repertoire, my writing and my work.
Isn’t that exactly what I have been working with all my life, to unravel the wounding, change my perspectives, accept and honour my path? I had this to consider. To arrive at a post-menopause stage of life, my elder years, with a very inspiring tool-bag for women, umpteen very encouraging creative methods for learning and empowerment exercises, with experiences to inspire their matriarchal growth. It seemed very clear and natural that I would name this as an expression of my womanhood.
But is matriarchy simply the other side of patriarchy with the problems that we hear about so often of things going wrong? Is that just tipping into yet another symbol of unbalance where to bring patriarchy and matriarchy into balance would be the answer?
Maybe we do need to tip the balance more so – claim much more of the matriarchy in our communities to begin the healing necessary? To lead from intuition, with gentleness, nurturing the fold, sitting in circle rather than in a line of followers. To ask our maidens, mothers, matrons, matriarchs to step forward and make a stand for what is right.
How many women do we actually see fighting in the streets today, how many throwing stones and belittling others of their right to live? Where are the women as we watch with horror, todays latest grind of unfathomable news?
The women are not there. At least I don’t see them. For they are at home taking care of the children. Those who have surrendered so effortlessly to the demands of their babes, to sleepless nights, to aching arms and shoulders from endless carrying, to sore nipples, stretched bodies, hunger pangs when they haven’t had the time to feed themselves, while still tending the hearth and the home. Those women who hold a career as they juggle family, childcare, housework and the finances. Those women teachers holding the classrooms, wishing they could do it differently with the children’s best interests at heart, instead of some curriculum that they know is not serving the majority.
Those women with stories to tell the younger women about their menses, the depths that enriches their lives when they seek the poetry and surrender of each months ritual. And those who have deepened their knowing of service once they have moved through the menopause, the ending of an era and the beginning of true purpose in their life.
Are these the leaders of our future? Maybe they are that tipping point where their inner strength alone could move mountains, those change-makers so needed to discipline the boys back into the heart of remembering that they come from a mother who has birthed them, bathed them and nursed them in order that they would grow into healthy menfolk who respect life and all it stands for.
When they disrespect community, they disrespect their mothers and they shun the moment she screamed the bloodiest of screams to give that final push so that they would live.
The matriarch has seen it all and knows so much more. I feel proud to wear that gown if my community is in agreement, because it is only community that can decide when someone is worthy of wearing its name. We cannot simply take it for ourselves, like the dress we pick off the high street racks, made so cheaply for our consumption, this one is priceless, its value unnamable, for in the true meaning of the word it must originate from the Earth herself in relationship to the elements, for is she not our truest teacher and leader, is she not the ruler of mankind’s ultimate destiny?
Caroline Carey
