I am not a dancer 2

Have you ever been curious about a hunger inside, wondering how it can be filled? And through the acknowledgement of that hunger, discovered that you are so much more than you ever dreamt you could be?

My own journey began with a quest of this nature. I needed to know who I was, searching in the lost stories of my childhood, deeply mystified at my hurting heart and the lack of connection to other children, to the usual entertainments of the innocent world. My own innocence had been betrayed. Relinquishing my boredom in the antics of running away, both internally as well as the external run to anywhere I was not allowed.

My hunger for peace and tranquility turned me to dance from a very early age, it made me move my body, find rhythm, find the beat of an ancient text, a song, a tribal ritual. Here I found solace, where it seemed to be just me, my God and my spirit. I was growing stronger and more connected to something, but what?

What, but my life force, the undercurrents of the message that seemed to haunt me if I did not succumb to its calling. Turning to my record player, I found the source of my discomfort and I moved it, handing it over to the beat, until I was high on the ecstasy that only it could give me. Dance was the nitrogen and oxygen that kept me alive,

Despite it all, like so many of us women who fall to the addiction of a co-dependent grip, I too was falling in love with the ones who were lost, signing my life away with a marriage vow, to the same one who would steal my dance, locking it away, their demand for fulfilled needs and self-gratification getting stronger.

No, I am not a dancer, but I have danced. Danced to shed light on the essence of my being. Danced to lift the hooded cloak of conformity from my shoulders, danced to bear witness to the tales of another’s wrongdoing. And danced – to be remembered, to dream back into the world the creation of my soul, put here to find beauty within those who are lost, to find solutions to discredited art and to move the weight of conditioned melodramas.

For freedom does not tolerate drama over truth.

I fumbled my way through life, searching the deepest crevices, the dark morbid tales of dysfunction, finding so many broken-down marketplaces where the sale of spiritual goods meant yet another heavy debt, riddled with toxic patriarchy and the power-crazy grabbing of feminine wisdom. I fell into those clutches time and time again and yet, this was to be the journey I would need to take, to discover the hidden lurkings of a power unsurpassable, built on the very foundations that had propelled me towards the most brilliant parts of my self, more than I could have ever imagined, which was – my purpose on this planet. Nothing else would have driven me to seek my very nature, my purest form and my reason for being here.

Where do these journeys take us – have you taken steps onto your own?

For my journey extends itself into the lives of others and together we grow and we find that dance together, as they too unveil what is theirs to do in the world, embracing their own Sovereign being, that return to a true sense of identity, the one that they were born with.

I dance with the shadows of others, twisting and turning in the darkness, playing with light fingertips in the places of denial, I reach in and encourage. I pull out all the stops until I hear voices call out in sorrow or grief, they shout their anger and laugh their realisations until mountains of dysfunction begin to crumble, until new forms are created, new landscapes walked and floods of rivers become stilled and guided into one ocean, including its deep and beautiful undercurrents.

I live in my Sovereignty; I know it at the very core of myself. At times it can fade a little into a subdued state, but it is quickly reconciled with the light and reformed into the fiery passion that is its own manifestation. I will not burrow too deep, I will not fade into the background, I will stand strong in my feminine, feline and feral state, deeply rooted to the ground I walk upon and carrying that spiritual sword within, I make my mark as the she-warrior I was born to be, the second seed of the great mother, the undoubting bright light that reaches as far as the eye can see.

Will you come with me?

Will you awaken to that great height and be the soul destined to make its mark? For I cannot rest until each one of you has found the healing in your bones, the untethered freedom of your voice, the furrowing of the soles of your feet in the rich earth. Your eye focused on the light ahead, where only you have the wisdom that is caught in those rays of hope for the ones you serve.

My creation is designed to awaken others, to embody their purpose, their light, their gift, without any judgment of how that should be – and so I have found my purpose and have danced along its previously un-navigated path, creating its own map and its own identity.

Success is my only mistress, who rides gallantly at my side, always aware that it is not only my success needed, but the success of each individual, each community and each nation.

I live in my purpose, bringing light and joy into my own heart and the hearts of so many, the happiness, the freedom, the excitement – all existing in one huge playground of innocence and golden light.

No ‘one’ can heal, no ‘one’ can become that enlightened being, no ‘one’ can hold the torch for those who follow, it will never be about the ‘one.’ It will always be about the thousand tribes, the million races and the essence of all our kin.

Caroline Carey, May 2021

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