I’m starting a new chapter and it feels vulnerable. I’ve always felt a deep sensitivity, a difficulty with rejection that can stifle my voice. But there’s a voice inside me that’s even stronger, one that says my story needs to be shared, because it might help others. And indeed I have shared so much of my story.
This new chapter however has led me on a multi-year journey with doctors and specialists. I was eventually diagnosed with Neurodivergence and have been exploring the meeting place of ADHD and Autism, known as AuDHD, which beautifully explains a deep polarity that has always run through me. For decades, I have worked with the concept of polarity, some will know as ‘The Magic of Mandorla,’ from my workshop offerings, and now I understand, even more so, why this feels so natural to me.
This journey has given me a deeper understanding of myself and my history, including my parents. It’s also why I never blame my parents for my condition, as some schools of thought and physicians do. There was no violence, neglect, or arguing in my parents. They were kind, loving people despite some high expectations.
There is so much inaccurate information that leans towards neurodiversity being a parenting issue, and so many other opinions that are not proven facts. While environmental issues can certainly exacerbate conditions, I’m more interested in the genetics of neurodiversity, as well as a deeper, ‘animistic’ meaning. My scientific interest lies with the likes of neuroscientist Dr. Stephen Faraone and the work of neurotheologist Dr. Andrew Newberg.
Forever I’ve seen myself as “out of the box,” yet comfortable in my own skin, even if others didn’t always understand it. But as I look at my family, particularly my children and grandchildren, some of whom are also diagnosed, I’ve started to see patterns, in myself, that I’d never noticed before. During one of my daughter’s assessments, I was motivated to look deeper and face a difficult truth. That truth is, it is time for me to immerse myself more fully in this new chapter, something that I have actually resisted. But it’s time to speak about it.
My mother was aware of a difference in me when I was just six months old. I have memories of behaviour patterns and sensory issues, from a very early age. I noticed the similarity of behaviour in one of my daughters at that age too. I now see how this different wiring can begin very early on, even at conception.
I began writing a book three years ago, delving into the depths of my own experience. For thirty years, my work has evolved around this subject, and so I am excited to share more about it within my next book. ‘The Neurodivergent Soul,’ which takes us deep within the sacredness and beauty of difference and neurodiversity.
It’s a journey through my life, with aspects of a deeper understanding and spiritual connections, exploring how accepting different minds can create a more compassionate and accepting world for everyone. It is also so much more than that, as I weave together complexities with creativity, giving readers in-depth enquiries to help them develop their own neurodivergent purpose. This isn’t just a story about a diagnosis; it’s about love, acceptance, and the beauty of different minds. I continue to build a community of people who can feel seen and understood. I hope my book’s focus on the sacredness of difference and its use of creative expression, like dance and poetry, will resonate with many.
Science has already proven that our brains operate in different ways. There’s nothing else to prove; there is only something to understand and embrace. I now understand why creativity, particularly dance, has always been my lifeline. I’m deepening my experience of the process with leading neurodiversity researcher, Dr. Jessica Eccles, to contribute to a study on diagnosis. You can take a look at her work here: linktr.ee/bendybrain
I’ll be sharing more on my podcast about this journey, inviting guests and talking more about the book. This work, encouraging others to embrace their differences, has always been my purpose, and now it’s clearer than ever. I’m ready to be more open about it. Still, the vulnerability arises. But I’ve learned that by openly embracing this part of my identity, I’m not only giving myself permission to be fully me, but I’m also creating space for others to do the same. By speaking my truth, I hope to help build a bridge for others who feel misunderstood or different. I also hope to bring more clarity for those on this beautiful, diverse spectrum of the human mind through my work, particularly that of polarity.
Caroline Carey 16/09/2025
