I’ve given a lot of thought to my voice over these last few years. My desires to sing and to speak about what is important to me. It always takes me back to growing up, the way I did and how my voice was encouraged – or not. And in the ways it was encouraged or told to be quiet. I could share many stories about my voice, infact at present I am included in an anthology with a group of women, writing about our voices. Each with a unique message to tell.
I brought one of my medicine songs into the public eye this week, (see below) and it brought up quite a lot for me about how it would be received. And I found myself pondering on one of my stories of the past.
I was the shyest girl in my class, I was bullied in the all girls school that segregated the catholics from the church of England girls. My self esteem was extremely low amongst others, but when I was in nature and with my animals I felt a deep connection to the love of a higher spirit and my own worth.
One day I decided to be bold in our singing class and really make an effort to sing out when it was my turn. There was a silence and the teacher quickly moved on to the next girl. I took that message to mean that I was clearly a terrible singer and I would never sing again.
A few times now my voice has been shut down by others and by myself. I lived in fear of it. And then it started to change.
In a rite of passage ceremony, I coughed and croaked, hiding in the back ground as I kept trying to clear my throat. And then I began to make a sound that came out really clear. I felt it for what it really was and that it held layers and laters of healing potential as I found a way to access a deep pain within and a pathway of colours and light that manifested as sound.
I took myself into nature and I did the same, listening to the little grumble inside me, asking it to tell me what it wanted, making strange noises and finding its way to gain strength and clarity.
Back then my own spirit songs began to find their way, my voice, my breath and my poetry, I refused to hold back any more. I don’t have an amazing singing voice, I often sing out of tune, but I don’t care, the important thing is that I sing and that I find my spirit/medicine songs and that I discover the message within each one and use it to serve the land and community. And now I feel it getting stronger as it knows it’s not afraid.
And I am told the best spirit songs are never in key, they are the notes between the notes, just like the edge-walker walks between the worlds, this is where we find the most potent of our medicine.
If you have ever wondered what your song is, what power your voice possesses and you struggle for fear of others reactions, I encourage you to begin that enquiry into your own singing voice and know that it doesn’t have to be perfect, it doesn’t have to have brilliant pitch, it just has to be yours.
I love helping people find their innate song, as well as their written word and poetic language. We use ancient tools to do this which have been shown to me and I pass them on for others empowerment. My workshops and gatherings all include a returning to our voice, a reclaiming of what is lost and a return to the innocent curious nature of our birthright.
Middle Earth Medicine